Saturday, 24 December 2011

"Let's go to counselling"

He has been going to a counsellor. A lovely lady - I've also been to her. When he asked me this time last year if I would go with him to a counsellor, I told him that first he needed to go for himself, so that he didn't bring all his emotional baggage to the sessions, and overwhelm the issues with his need. He refused at the time, telling me that the problem wasn't him, it was me. He told me I had to go instead. So I did. For six months I wept and sobbed, and tried to look inside myself and heal. I emerged in June, stronger and more determined to be 'authentic'. It seems that I'd been putting a happy face on (doesn't everyone?!) and not letting my true feelings be known. So that's what I did - instead of swallowing it when I got pissed off at the way he spoke to my daughters, or how lazy he was being round the house, I told him. That didn't go down too well.....
He asked me again to come to counselling with him. I pointed out that I'd done my bit - it was time for him to go on his own. So he did. For the last few months, he's been seeing her every couple of weeks, and the most apparent change is that he doesn't lose his temper as much. That's a blessed relief. However, take the anger away and the issues are still there, plainer when they aren't hidden in the temper tantrums.

So I told him a month ago I wanted us to part. He argued, cajoled, bribed, wept... until worn down, I agreed to leave it until after Xmas. In the meantime, we would 'try'. I'm 'trying'. I'm 'trying not to leave, in fact.

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