Thursday, 20 May 2010

Dysfunctional day out

So we visited a National Trust garden in the Cotswolds recently. We weren't exactly non-speaking, but we hadn't fallen out either, if you know what I mean. I opened the boot of the car to get my camera out, and he went to pass it to me, but instead turned on the viewing screen, and started looking through the images there. I had just photographed a young lady and it wasn't really appropriate for him to look at them, so I made a joke and popped out the memory card to replace it with a blank one.
First he accused me of snatching it, which I denied, then apologised for. I tried to make light of it, holding his hand and talking about the garden we were going to see, but he was clearly in a mood by this time. He shrugged off my hand, and I tried to explain calmly about the shoot on the card, and the reason I'd taken the card out, and stopped him looking at it. He got even crossed, and wouldn't be calm. After a few minutes of trying to placate him, in tears, he snapped at me that he wanted to look around the gardens on his own and started walking off. I called after him to ask him for the car keys so I could at least sit in the car, but he shouted 'no' and walked off out of sight.
I had no money, and my phone had no signal. All I could do was to sit on a bench to wait for him to return. It was very cold, and I started to shiver.
He came back an hour later. No apologies, and still mad with me.

This is my life now.


  1. Other than obviously your safety that worries me is that you have teen/tween girls who live in the house with you and they see the way he treats you. I worry that they will grow up and think that it is OK to be treated in this manner. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.

  2. I agree with Kat. 100%.

    By staying in a relationship you know is wrong you validate his behaviour by forgiving him and you teach your daughters that it's OK for men treat women like this.

    If one of your daughters married a man who treated her the way he treats you, how you would you feel? What would you do? I bet you'd move heaven and hell to get her safe.

    Move heaven and hell for you. Get you safe.


  3. Before having even read this (and I don't believe in coincidences) I wrote a post for tomorrow morning that you need to read. It's called Don't Complain, Just Make a change. (It will be up at 4am UK time )

    You really need to read it, take stock and make a change.

    You are really walking a thin line for yourself and your daughters. You need to be string enough to make a change.

  4. I meant string not string obviously.

    And BTW-the fact that you started this blog shows me that you know you need to make a move.

  5. Sorry, I must be tired...strong, I meant strong.

  6. Oh hun, I think all the other comments have said it already, but just wanted to add my voice to the chorus. As Susie says, just by writing this blog I think you have recognised what you need to do. I so hope you find the strength to do it before things get worse.